Let Em Have It

Buki and I paddle out. We're surfing in Playa Flamingo. After two hours of experiments with the new board I have successfully ridden one wave on my own for three seconds. It was awesome.

My arms feel pleasantly sore. "You can't even see that far," Buki screams out.

"I don't need to."

One white guy near us is perched on his board, looking bored out into the distance, not listening to us. Beyond him I see what they're looking at. Some blonde, looking at us, confused.

Then I see Angel's skinny ass waving at this girl.

She looks back confused.

"Go over there," I yell. I'm all for shit shows that could end spectacularly well for my friends.

"Yeah go over there Angel," Buki yells.

"I'm going to ask for a surfing lesson." Angel yells, starting to paddle over.

"She can probably give you one. That's my wife." The white guy finally says. His eyes are still on the water. He hasn't looked up the whole time.

Buki and I fall off our boards laughing.

***

Poker is very hard.

I finally got my head right last night and put in a great session. I'm still learning how to manage everything. I felt like I deserved some time to relax so getting out to the beach to surf in the morning was nice. The waves weren't great and the beach was more crowded than last time but it's all worth it when you finally catch that wave. Getting up on one on my own was just too addicting. I know I'm going to be out there trying to do it better every day I can. And then there will come bigger waves. I'm excited.

Relaxed from surfing I grinded really well. Well, I was worried about something, but I can't really blog it. Somebody invaded my privacy and someone I love again. It's not a big deal it's just...hitting me a little too close to home after all the crap I've dealt with lately. I want my life and my privacy and I don't appreciate people who don't respect that. I'm not really a nice guy when you start screwing with me and the people I love. I watched my mother tearing herself up in Seattle and I had more problems with fucking moochers when I got back to Costa Rica. What this person did was really petty, but as a man you worry, just knowing they're snakes in the grass. Having seen certain things I worry too much. I'm not really worried, I just would rather not deal with it. I don't know too many people who I actually think could ever threaten me without ramifications that would grossly make my point.

Whatever. I got a call about that incident during my session. I talked it out with the family member effected, and then I did one of the hardest things to do as a poker player - I put something out of my mind that I knew was more important than what I was doing.

And I played some fantastic tournaments. I was really happy with how I played for the first time since Christmas. I've really felt in an emotional rut after what happened but my friends and family never really give up on me. My friends pretty much take care of everything for me when I go into one of my funks, and it's just embarrassing how my company has to take into account my mood swings. Still, Buki's held down when I wasn't all there, and that takes a huge friend. Now I feel back, stable, and ready to crush. I feel healthy and focused.

Unfortunately, the RNG on Tilt didn't like me. I had the chip lead with 20ish left in the $162.00 on Tilt, handily, and just went like 1 for 6 on flips to go out 9th. The stacks were shorter, it wasn't completely unexpected, but first was $33,000 and I got like 2k, and I'm usually the best player at any table I sit at so I always feel like I underperformed.

I'm not going to say who but there was a guy at the final table who just shocks me he even still has a job. We final tabled this exact tournament without a double guarantee years ago and his game has only grown barely since then. He was fucking terrible and like 3bet/called A-2 for 35 BBs against me. Obviously wasn't good, obviously didn't matter. He had chips again as I exited this one. Just to know this arrogant dumbass doesn't have 20% of the theory that just Watchthesea put into my head is pretty fucking aggravating.

But...that's part of my job. Leaving bigger better problems till later and knowing that ANYBODY off the street can outdo my life's work in any one tournament. That's my job.

Sounds lame but I did surf all day and grind all night. Then called this stunning college-educated woman who is apparently my girlfriend. I feel a long way from living off of $3.00 bowls of Pho in Everett and Seattle. As I get further away from the people who sought to hurt me or take advantage of me I'm feeling a lot better. It's just learning how to coexist peacefully in a good world I'm still learning about. And trusting I can keep people like that away from me again, should they develop in my own camp or come from the "real" world.

I was frustrated about last night but I can tell I'm my old self again. I got chips and just owned some tables last night. I was fluid. I was me. I was rusty before, but I'm getting into it again. I'm excited to play this weekend and hopefully pop something off. I'm really excited to do a couple live tournaments soon. It's awfully hard balancing everything now but I'm glad I have so many good people and interests to balance. This is better than what I dreamed of as a kid when I was picturing being a poker player.

I didn't even make money last night probably. I just wanted that peace again. When I'm really into it.